the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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