I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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