he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
