I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
