I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
