Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i was born a porn star she said
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
