a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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