you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
