Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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