She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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