HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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