I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this boner is exhausting
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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