can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
