if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
