miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
