Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
A+ Viking dick
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
