Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize