Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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