I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
