dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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