Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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