Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
