A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
