when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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