A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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