where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
