is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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