The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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