I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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