the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
