Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
