I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
