I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
