woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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