your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
