Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
