I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
