I faked an abortion last night.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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