the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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