I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
