He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize