i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize