I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
