he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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