You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
