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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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