i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize