You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You're like the curious george of whores
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
