piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
