mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
