I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
