There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
