my text book just quoted the cookie monster
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
