I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
