my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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