This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
