I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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