Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
