I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
