I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
