you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
