the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
