I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
