i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
