Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
