just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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