He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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